For roughly the last 2 years when anyone asked me how I was, I responded with “living the dream.” It wasn’t snarky – ok, maybe a bit silly – but as a self-employed lady, I felt pretty damn lucky to set my rules, be in charge of my routine + do what I honestly love doing.
But sometimes my days were more like nightmares than the dreams I had.
However, I didn’t feel I had the right to complain. When the majority of my day is good, why look at the bad? And plus, I felt some secret duty to uphold the idea that self-employment was glamorous + awesome.
I’d let my closest friends in on the crummy parts of my day/week/year. We’d get together or hop on the phone to chat about money struggles, relationship stress, impossible deadlines + days where the laundry honestly took the shape of a giant human-eating monster.
While on blog posts, Instagram photos, tweets + client meetings, I’d smile, laugh, joke + push forward on whatever needed my attention at that moment. Because it’s what warriors do.
And then I got sick. And it got harder to push forward. So I stopped.
I’m done with performing.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not turning into a Debbie Downer or giving up on happiness. far from it! What I am doing is getting off the stage. My career as an actress playing the role of worn out, business owning, work from home with piles of cash by my side type lady is done.
Today I spent the first 35 minutes of the day reading articles + sipping on a smoothie. It was so fucking glorious + something I’ve been trying to work into my daily routine. And yesterday I left in the middle of the day to get some things from Target when the crowds were non-existent.
But I also dealt with a headache that put me on expensive pain killers since my individual health insurance plan doesn’t cover prescriptions {the plan that did was too expensive for me}, transferred money out of my savings account to cover my large credit card bill + sent an apology email to a client whose project did not get completed when it was supposed to.
At one point in time I thought being a hero meant having my shit together 24×7. Now I know better. I can be a hero while being honest about my current feelings. I can inspire others while saying things like “business is really great, but last quarter drained my savings. It will be nice to build those back up as soon as I can.” Just as much as I can inspire someone by saying “I had the best time on my vacation! I’m really looking forward to planning the next one.”
Be a hero, not an actor.
I invite you to be a hero with me. To inspire, challenge + push those around you by showing your vulnerability. Whether that means sharing your income goals, saying that your significant other is sleeping in a different room, that you just signed a contract with a celebrity client or your leg hair is so long you went as a dude for Halloween to avoid shaving.
The world may be a stage, but we don’t have to perform every second of the day. It’s ok to struggle or cry or both, just like it’s ok to talk about your skills, strengths + successes. Being human is one of the most challenging things as well as one of the most rewarding.
I challenge you to turn the stage lights off. Just like I’ll support you if you tumble down while stepping off the stage.